times you acted like the killer

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Anon09/09/26, 08:55No.223081713

>be me >order McDonald filet-O-fish burger via app then drop my phone and stamp on it >show up at a packed ghetto black neighborhood McDonalds dressed in a bucket hat, plain grey jacket with dark shades >I try to blend in by playing The Smiths on an old Ipod >everyone all staring at me because I'm the only white guy in the store >notice the McRib is back on the menu >stick to your the plan. Anticipate, don't improvise >cute girl at the counter ask for my order number >I reach for my phone and remember I stamped on it >not expecting this I start to spill my spaghetti >you've done what you can do. Calm. Breathe >I try to act cool but instead I shit and piss my khaki pants >I turn 360 and quickly get out of there without my filet-O-fish burger >about to jump on my electric scooter but it's already stolen >can't get an uber because I stamped on my phone >I get my mom to come pick me up instead >phew that was a close one >I serve no God or country. I fly no flag. If I'm effective, it's because of one simple fact. I don't give a fuck

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Anon09/09/26, 08:56No.223081731

>order heavily salted mcfries through doordash >lick all the salt off of each individual fry >toss the salt-depleted friesLong night ahead, gotta get my sodium.

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Anon09/09/26, 08:58No.223081745

>decide to check out a sex club to start my night >I wear a bucket hat, plain grey jacket and dark shades >realise every sleazy pervert there is wearing bucket hats, plain grey jackets and dark shades - perfect >I go into the cinema room to watch a movie >a random guy sits down beside me and notice he starts to jerk off >same guy then starts to fondle me >didn't expect this, fuck >stick to your plan. Anticipate. Don't improvise. Trust no one >he ignores me and continues to fondle >each and every step of the way, ask yourself "what's in it for me?" >I start to get an erection >popeye the sailor probably said it best "I yam what I yam" >random dude jerks me off until I'm blasting rope >cleanup without fail is labor-intensive to say the least >I shoot the random stranger and everyone in the cinema to cover my tracks >leave on my electric scooter and head to a night club >I serve no God or country. I fly no flag. If I'm effective, it's because of one simple fact. I don't give a fuck

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Anon09/09/26, 09:00No.223081768

I've slept in a shitty chair in some government office because I eas exhausted.

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Anon09/09/26, 09:01No.223081776

i fell in love with a blind chick lmao

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Anon09/09/26, 09:02No.223081790

Times I acted like The Killer >at a crowded inner city Burger King >blending in with all the hip zoomies in my bucket hat, plain grey jacket and dark shades >everyone looking at me with a cringe look - perfect I'm blending in >was gonna order online but I'd stamped on my phone earlier >use the self serve machine >order a large whopper meal >notice the big fish burger is on special >stick to your plan. Anticipate. Don't improvise >I compose myself and remember my mission >press the order purchase up to 99 as far as it goes >choose the pay at counter option >my order number is called >they actually made 99 orders, fuck! >quickly run to the bathroom to shave, wash down body and change disguise >I swap the bucket hat for a cap >spray down the whole cubicle to erase any evidence >I jump out of a window to my parked electric scooter >I dispose of all my old ID on the way to the airport >dispose of BK order number >freak out at customs due to a dog staring at me >hide out all night in a hotel >catch the next morning flight out of the country >phew, thinking I got away with it >I serve no God or country. I fly no flag. If I'm effective, it's because of one simple fact. I don't give a fuck

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Anon09/09/26, 09:05No.223081813

i cry into fast food wrappers listening to the smiths all the time

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Anon09/09/26, 09:08No.223081839

>organise a lads holiday with some mates >they text the flight details in the group chat >reply with a thumbs up and then drop my phone and stamp on it >show up to the airport dressed in a bucket hat and a plain grey jacket with dark shades >people look at me with fear - perfect, I'm blending in >walk up to the flight teller and request a ticket to ibiza >she tells me they don't sell tickets at the desk, you have to do it through the app >didn't expect this, fuck >stick to your plan. Anticipate. Don't improvise. >wait, wasn't I supposed to be meeting friends here? >look around >the airport's really busy >can't see them >ticket girl asks if she can do anything else for me >stutter >ask her how to use the app >she tells me it's easy and says if I get out my phone she can show me >reach for my phone and then remember I stamped on it >You've done what you can do. Calm. Breathe. >smile, say nothing, turn 360 degrees and walk away >phew that was a close one >I serve no God or country. I fly no flag. If I'm effective, it's because of one simple fact. I don't give a fuck

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